Ancestors
listen to the story
Here I am sitting looking out of a beautiful green filled beauty of spring. My grief washing over me, with memories of my ancestors that are not physically with me. I feel that longing of connection and a flashback occurs. I was 5 years old for a sleep over with my great grandma. I was crying for my mom. My great grandma who was my oldest my babysitter, my sister, and I went into the kitchen turned on the lights, at 2am and had some peaches. She was trying to comfort me, knowing that my mom needed a break. My great grandma went to give us toothpicks after the peaches and got one for herself. The mid 80s year old started laughing, at herself. Her laughter was infectious, we all started laughing when, she realized that her dentures were in the bathroom and she had no teeth in. She stared back at us, with toothless smile gummed filled and chuckled, and said: “I have no teeth, I no need my toothpick!”, (in her thick Hungarian accent). That moment only has stuck with me throughout the decades as a real intimate moment of life. Life is filled with moments where people comfort one another for their pain, and there are moments of intimacy that forever remind us of the simplicity of being with another in distress, the power of presence and love. I sit with my babe in my belly awaiting her arrival feeling everything is so heightened by my hormones that feel I am water. I sit with not knowing how love will impact her, how to know what she need without language, and I trust my ancestors are by my side carrying me through this rite of passage. I bless them and I thank them for all the love they gave to me in the ways they knew how in all their hardships, pain, through it all...there were still glimmers of intimacy formed, in the soothing gentle sweet moments of intuitive rhythmic rocking us, holding us, into the feelings of being loved. I Thank you. And I feel your presence lives on in my heart cells.
Repeat After Me:
I hereby call all parts of myself as lovable and likable. I kiss the forehead of my shadow, insecurities, and shame. I acknowledge that all parts make the whole. I acknowledge every flaw as perfection. I grow grounded in who I am now, not what I was or what I will become. I acknowledge my present, my past, and future. I see now that things can shift overnight with love and reverence. I acknowledge the blessings of my life as much as I acknowledge the sufferings. Everything changes and I welcome it all with dynamic faith in the unknown.
